And one day…it all made sense…

I started my journey of personal growth about five years ago… When I decided to stop living in the prison most of us live in our entire lives (and are unaware we do so) – our mind. I’m sure you’ve heard before this phrase or something along these lines – “your mind is your worst enemy.” I have worked hard the past five years to get to know myself better. I have come to understand the root cause of my wounds and why I think and feel the way I do in different situations. It has been extremely difficult, scary and painful to look inward, but so rewarding as well to go through the healing process. It’s been amazingly empowering to have this knowledge about myself…to truly know myself and be able to read myself, to identify what I am feeling and why. This self-awareness is necessary if one wants to live a full and free life.

As much as I’ve felt that I’ve learned so much these past five years, and how much I’ve grown and healed as well, I still did not feel as though I had truly let everything go. It was as if my mind and my heart still hadn’t connected 100%. I understood many things about myself, yet, at times, I still felt pain, even though I knew it was possible for me not to have to feel that pain anymore. I still felt imprisoned by my mind to a certain extent, and I, being the non –conformist that I am, wouldn’t give up until I had true freedom, therefor, reaching a state of sustainable happiness.

Two years ago everything changed. In search of this freedom, I went to a Women & Power Retreat in Coconut Grove, Florida. Let’s just say, this weekend changed my life. I was a bit hesitant to go at first, but I am so glad I did. This was my first spiritual retreat, so I had no idea what to expect exactly. It included four breathwork sessions.

For those of you that don’t know what breathwork is, it’s a process of self-exploration and healing which is done through one’s own breathing. One experiences a higher level of consciousness, and through this process, you can heal wounds you have deep within yourself. Basically, for me, it feels as though I’m dreaming while being awake. I have had truly profound, emotional, beautiful experiences through my breathwork. I have remembered and seen beautiful childhood moments, as well as discovering that Life Coaching was what I wanted to do, something to give me a greater sense purpose in my life. This retreat also included interesting discussions regarding to women, vulnerability as a form of power, our ego, self-love, finding our purpose, etc. It was a weekend full of so much love, I was not only able to learn from Christian De La Huerta, who guided the retreat, but also from all the women that were there.  ***for more information regarding Christian’s work, breathwork, and his wonderful retreats and workshops, please visit his website: http://www.soulfulpower.com***

For me, the thing that made my heart and mind synchronize during this retreat, was the discussion we had regarding our ego. When we spoke about our ego, it was not the Freudian Ego, but rather the thought of the ego as our image of ourselves, yet, not our true self. The ego is our inner critical voice, which tries to “protect” us from feeling pain, because it is stuck in the past and traumatized by the past (this includes any pain we have felt our whole lives, including our childhood). The ego is what tries to make sense of our past experiences in order to create expectations of the future. The interesting thing is that most people do not understand that we are not that ego. The ego is only a tiny part of ourselves, and we have the ability to separate ourselves from it, to zoom out from its tunnel vision, therefor, freeing ourselves from this mental prison it tries to hold us in. Have you ever noticed when you are sitting in your living room watching a movie, how your whole range of vision seems to be the television screen, similar to tunnel vision. When you are so much into the movie, you are unaware of your surroundings. At some point, you do a sort of “zoom out” and all of a sudden, you are very aware of your surroundings: you can see the entire wall of the living room, your feet in front of you, the tv, the tv stand, etc. This is the same idea of separating ourselves from our ego.

Most people are unaware that the ego exists inside of us, they don’t know how it works, how it thinks, how it always tries to “protect us”, yet all it ends up doing is limiting us, imprisoning us, making us keep on living in fear. This is what I meant earlier with me wanting to be free of my mental prison, wanting to be free from my ego. It’s sad to know that most people go their whole lives living in this prison, and they are unaware that they do so. It’s as if people get used to feeling this way, they learn to “deal with life” rather than truly get to feel bliss and happiness.

Imagine if, since you were young, you had a slight headache every day. At some point, you just get used to having that little headache day after day. You learn to deal with it and even get used to it, because you forget what it’s like to not have it. Same goes for the ego. If you don’t know that the ego is capable of causing us to be afraid of the world, afraid of feeling pain, we get used to living in fear, and therefore wanting to protect ourselves from it. The ego means well, but since it’s stuck in the past, it only ends up limiting us and also ends up hurting us. Let me give you an example.

Imagine if you, as a child, were called names in kindergarten. Because of the bullying you endured, you didn’t have any friends. This, of course, was a painful experience, however, this doesn’t mean that all your life will be this way. You kept this wound inside of you, it didn’t heal, and because of it and your ego, you are now an insecure adult. Today, as an adult, your ego constantly tells you how some people don’t like you, how no one at work wants to be your friend, how you aren’t respected or accepted by your family and friends, how you are a loser, etc. And because of what your ego tells you, you end up alienating yourself from others, you try to always manipulate your environment so you aren’t in an uncomfortable situation, so you won’t feel that rejection and pain again. You avoid social situations like the plague, you decline any invitation out of fear of being rejected. And you ego makes sure that you keep on doing this in order to “protect” you. So you go your whole life avoiding feeling this pain, and in turn, you miss out on connecting with others, again, because of this fear and because of the horrible things your ego tells you. Maybe one day at the office someone walked past you, you smiled, and they didn’t smile back. Immediately, your ego starts: he doesn’t like you, he hates you, he thinks you’re dumb, no one in the office likes you…. And you go on and on and on all day, for days on end, entertaining these thoughts. Think about it, all because one person didn’t smile at you. And we actually learn how to live like this, how to tolerate these constant thoughts in our head. It’s a miracle we haven’t all gone insane by now. It’s impressive how well we can adapt.

This, for me, is not living, this is surviving, and I don’t want to just survive, I actually want to live while I’m on this planet. This for me was the biggest take away from the retreat: IT’S POSSIBLE TO NOT LIVE LIKE THIS. IT’S POSSIBLE TO BE FREE!!!! With this self-awareness and freedom comes compassion for others, understanding of others, of how and why they may behave a certain way, as well as true acceptance of ourselves and sustainable, true happiness. If we understand how the human mind works, we can truly free ourselves from any pain. We have 100% control over our emotions, over how a situation makes us feel. True, free, happiness depends on us and our perception of things. If we can separate ourselves from the ego, if we can quiet that inner critical voice, then we can be free and truly be present in the now, rather than stuck in the past or anxious about the future.

Another thing I learned is to NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONAL, BECAUSE IT’S NOT. If we can understand how the human psyche works from our own experience, we can also understand that 99.9% of the time, things aren’t personal. Every day we have hundreds of interactions with different people: our family, lovers, friends, coworkers, random strangers at the supermarket, etc. During each of those interactions, what someone that we interact with does/doesn’t do, says/doesn’t say, has absolutely nothing to do with US. For example, perhaps the cashier at the supermarket speaks rudely to you. You may get mad, upset, offended, feel disrespected. However, if you stop for one second, are compassionate, and put yourself in her shoes, you may not feel any of the latter. Yes, perhaps she spoke to you in an incorrect, disrespectful way, and this behavior is not being justified. However, you now have a choice: you can choose to be mad, upset, irritated, hurt, offended, etc. by her actions OR you can humanize her, be compassionate, and understand that most likely she is going through an immense amount of pain, she doesn’t know how to deal with it, she is trapped in her own prison, and that‘s why she is frustrated and acting the way she did with you. If you go with the first choice, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT LOSES. You will waste time and energy on these feelings, when, this cashier’s problems had NOTHING to do with you. If you go with the second choice, yes, you might feel mad for a moment, however, you can immediately free yourself from this negative emotion. YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE TO HOW YOU REACT, TO HOW YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE THE CONTROL.

To sum this up, the best lessons I have learned are:

• The ego can mess up your  mind, you can separate yourself from it and also control it, not let it control you
• Don’t take things personal, because usually they have absolutely nothing to do with you
• You always have a choice about how you feel, how you react, you have control over your emotions. You decide what perspective you take

I had heard some of these before, but this time, I truly understood this, and now I believe it 100% and live by this. As a result, I have never felt so free and so happy with myself. It’s simply amazing!!!!

Maybe some of what I have written has resonated inside of you, don’t be afraid, it’s good to feel discomfort, it means you’re getting ready for a change. Once you’re on the other side of things, you will see how that discomfort/pain was well worth it.

I INVITE YOU TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE, TO START LIVING A FULL AND FREE LIFE. ANYONE CAN DO IT, YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE THAT DEEP DESIRE FOR MORE FULFILLMENT.

Much Love,

Meli