Holiday-Stress Survival Guide

The holidays are a time of happiness and joy, or at least that’s what we think we “should” be feeling, what we are told we “should” feel and what we assume everyone else is feeling.

The truth, for many, the holidays are an extremely stressful & painful time. A few reasons may be:

~Lots of social commitments – feeling overwhelmed with so much going on and possibly feeling obligated to attend certain gatherings.
~Dreading having conversations with certain family members.
~Triggers from seeing family & friends from our past.
~Feeling like everything needs to be perfect - our Xmas tree, the gifts, the meal, the decorations.
~Overspending - feeling pressured to buy lots of expensive gifts for many people. Then the stress of “how am I going to pay for this after?” 
~Having to pretend that everything is “normal and functional” with our relationships for the sake of the holidays, so a lot of sweeping things under the rug.
~Feelings of loneliness - not having a big group to celebrate with, being apart from your loved ones.
~Mourning the loss of a loved one who is no longer with you and this being triggered all over again during this season.
~Comparing ourselves to others - media portrays one thing and social media too. Perfection. Joy. Connection.Love.  And this makes us feel like something is wrong us.

All of the above can cause us great stress and anxiety, which completely takes the joy out of this season. Here are a few tips for managing your stress during this time:

1.       Set boundaries & don’t do things you don’t want to do.
Contrary to popular belief, we do not HAVE to do anything we don’t want to do. We don’t have to engage in uncomfortable conversations, we don’t have to spend time with people we don’t feel comfortable with, we don’t have to go to a specific party, we don’t  have to buy any presents, we don’t  have  to hug & kiss someone we don’t want to. The beauty of being an adult is that we have the power to choose what we do. If feeling good, comfortable and at peace is important to you, keep this in mind when you choose what to do/not do.  It’s ok to say “no”, “I don’t want to talk about that”, or “I’m good, thanks”.

2.       Give yourself permission to not be perfect.
If you’re a perfectionist, you may want everything to be perfect during this time especially your Xmas Tree, the gift packaging, the meal, cookies, house decorations, gifts, social gatherings, parties, etc. If you enjoy doing these things, go ahead and do them and enjoy the process. But the reality is that nothing is perfect, right? Keep this is in mind (I know it may be easier said than done) as you go through this season. Be mindful of what makes you feel good as you do it, and what causes you stress and anxiety. If doing something and needing it to be perfect causes you stress, is it worth doing? Being mindful of your perfectionist tendencies and choosing what you do and don’t do is an act of self-care and self-love. Also, take a moment to reflect about what is truly important to you during this season: would you rather spend quality time with family or spend a stressful time organizing a “perfect evening” for them?

3.       Keep up your Daily Self Care Routine, now more than ever.
Things are getting busy now. Social engagements, parties, etc. Enjoy it all! You might also go through stressful times, not sleep as much, eat and drink more than you usually do. All this can take a toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally.  Also, if the holidays are hard on your in terms of feelings of sadness, loneliness and grief, this is the time to take extra care of yourself.

Set at least 20 minutes during each day to take care of your mind, body and soul. This can look like:

·         Mind: read an interesting educational article, do a puzzle, play a board game, listen to an educational podcast on your drive home.

• Body: if you exercise regularly, continue to do so. If you are feeling tired, listen to your body and rest when needed.

• Soul: take time to stop, breathe, relax & reconnect to yourself.

4.       Take time to be present & connect to those who really matter.
You may be lucky enough to spend quality time with those you don’t see on a regular basis. Take advantage of this opportunity, put your phone down, turn off the tv, and be fully present with these people. Social media can wait, the news on the tv can wait, don’t waste these precious moments.

5.       Don’t numb negative emotions & practice gratitude.
If the holidays trigger difficulty emotions inside of you, allow yourself to feel the negative emotion (sadness, loneliness, anxiety, fear, frustration etc) without going into victim mode (“poor me”). Yes, these emotions are uncomfortable, painful and difficult, but they always pass. Remember all the times you’ve felt these emotions before, and how that painful moment did pass…these will pass as well. Well, these emotions will pass as well.

Whenever we feel pain, we want to numb in order to not feel. Numbing can look like: shopping excessively, Netflix binge watching over drinking, overeating, doing drugs, over exercising, gambling, porn… basically anything you do to ‘distract yourself’ when you don’t feel good emotionally. This is not healthy, nor does it heal that negative emotion, it just intensifies it over time.

Something that helps a lot when having negative emotions is to shift your mind into the positive and thinking of things that you’re grateful for do just this. Set a daily reminder either early in the morning or before you sleep, to stop and think of 3 things you are grateful for. Try to do this daily. The 3 things can be big or small, don; ’t stress about it, just look for 3 things that are good at that moment/on that day:

For example, what I felt grateful for this morning was: a nice cup of coffee on a chilly winter day, my new puppy Zoe, my comfy couch.


ALSO, DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE! 😊